NCFL is proud to welcome ACJensen, parenting and pregnancy expert and author of Extra(Hourdinary)Parenting as a guest blogger.

TUNE OUT THE GUILT BUT KEEP AN EYE ON WHAT MATTERS
There is an overload of information out there about parenting "right". It is often overwhelming, and it starts early. I remember reading when two months pregnant that if I had *really* wanted to ensure the maximum IQ for my child, I should have doubled my folic acid intake three months prior to conceiving. Why, I wondered, was this bit of guilt located in the section on the first trimester of pregnancy instead of in a chapter on pre-conception? What possible purpose could this serve except to make me feel like I was already behind the curve? Should I start reading about kindergarten admissions interviews and SAT prep in the third trimester, just in case?

The reality is that guilt sells in the parenting industry. Something has to move the overpriced toys and baby gear off the shelves, and parental guilt is an easy target. As a by-product of this approach and a general survival mechanism, we parents quickly learn to tune out the guilt-inducing ads and articles. Let's face it, by the time you have a rambunctious toddler on your hands, you don't have time for guilt anymore, much less reading a parenting guide on how you should have done something.

Unfortunately, in tuning out the chorus of false alarms, we often tune out the *few* real gems of wisdom and advice that are important. Notice my emphasis on the word "few". Parenting is, after all, a process of giving love, attention, discipline, and time to another human being. We come biologically equipped to offer these elements of care. Advice from experts and others is helpful, especially when we are tired, frustrated, or just out of ideas, but there are really only a few areas where consistency, common sense, and kindness are not enough: there are only a few "blind spots" in the parenting process.

One of the blind spots is education. Education, you ask? Really? Isn't that why we pay our taxes, so that we can, in good faith, send our children to school to be well educated by others who are experts in their field? Yes, that's the idea in theory, but in practice, your child's education requires more from you than a walk to the bus stop. Is that fair? Is it ideal? No and no. Is that how it was when our parents and grandparents, those great fountains of parenting advice, were in school? No, again. But today, right now, in this day in age, educating children is a part-school, part-parent process. And *that* is a blind spot that catches even the best of us. So how do we counter this? How do we actually get involved in our child's education in a way that is constructive?

STEP ONE: YOU BEGIN BEFORE THE EDUCATION DOES
Getting involved in your child's education starts before they actually enroll in school for kindergarten or first grade. It's like the folic acid I was supposed to take before getting pregnant - it should really be filed in the chapter entitled "Before Your Child Starts School". So before your child starts school, it is to your advantage and your child's to tour the school during a school day. Even if officials look askance at your request or stonewall a bit, persist. Just seeing the school in action for half an hour will give you a lot of information that you can use to help your child and yourself understand what they are going to do there. If you see things that really bother you, you will have time to consider and act on other options.

STEP TWO: TALK ABOUT IT
Start talking about what happens at school well before you send your child off. Play "pretend school". Introduce letters and numbers in your everyday activities at home. A great tool for this is located here: http://www.famlit.org/onlineactivities/house/swf/index.htm Build up anticipation for school in your child. You might even want to get a DVD or book about going to school to help them grasp the concept in visual terms as well. This book list is an excellent starting point: https://www.famlit.org/sites/default/files/UPS-Store-Book-List_0.pdf

STEP THREE: TAKE YOUR CHILD BY THE SCHOOL
I am a big fan of "practice runs". Practice going to school in the weeks before it starts. Practice getting dressed, preparing a lunch, and being on time. Make it a game, and emphasize what a special opportunity it is.

STEP FOUR: ASK QUESTIONS
There is nothing more difficult than getting a five-year old boy to tell you the exciting details of his day. It's almost as hard as getting a five-year old girl to *not* tell you every detail. While some kids, of course, do not fall into these stereotypes, many do, so it is worth addressing them. If you have a quiet child, work hard to ask questions throughout the afternoon and evening. Don't bombard them with the same questions, get nothing after a few tries, and give up. Wait until a more opportune moment comes, or for your child to make a small comment about school and/or homework that gives you a starting point. With your talkative child, don't assume that all those details mean they are telling you everything. Listen closely for what's not being said as well.

STEP FIVE: MAKE HOMEWORK IMPORTANT FROM DAY ONE
Even if you think the assignment is a joke, is too hard, or is poorly written, don't share your feelings with your child. Homework is, let's face it, a big part of grades, and grades are a big part of your child's future. There is a time and a place to make a constructive intervention in poor teaching, but the homework table is not it.

STEP SIX: INITIATE CONTACT WITH YOUR CHILD'S TEACHER
Teachers are busy people, and they don't really know you or your child, especially at the beginning of school. They don't know your issues, your struggles, your strengths, or those that your child has. They are just people, and often people paid not so well. Approach them with respect (always), but with persistence as well. Initiate contact with them either by email, by phone, by written note, or in person. It will likely feel awkward. You may feel uncomfortable. Do it anyway. Don't know what to say? Just introduce yourself, and say hi. If you are calling, writing, or emailing, remember that you can't communicate your smile, your shyness, or any of your body language in these forms of communication, so be extra polite. You are not trying to be best friends here, just let the teacher know you are interested in his/her work with your child and in seeing your child succeed.

STEP SEVEN: DEAL WISELY WITH THE AWKWARD MOMENTS
We all had a teacher we didn't like. Maybe we even had several. Try not to hold that against your child's teachers. A truly problematic teacher needs to be addressed with an administrator. But jumping on every weakness or error is not actually going to help your child. Part of your child's education is learning to deal with the social situations of life. When something is unfair or unjust, it may make a better learning opportunity to help your child understand that people are human and make mistakes than to try to intervene and correct it. You can also use the situation to teach your child how to express their concerns and find a solution themselves. Obviously, criminal or negligent behavior from a teacher has to be addressed immediately. I'm talking here about situations where a child who doesn't feel called on enough, doesn't feel like their answers were given full credit, or believes the teacher favors certain students over others. These emotions and experiences are part of life. Teaching your child to deal with them constructively is often more important than you actually dealing with them yourself.

STEP EIGHT: KEEP AN EYE ON GAPS
At the same time that you give your child's teacher the benefit of the doubt, don't hesitate to keep a close eye on the academic curriculum itself. If you hear from another parent in the school that a different teacher's class is finishing certain academic skills by the end of the year when your child is not, you may have to step in and teach your child those concepts at home. If you think your child is struggling in a particular subject, you may have to add some extra study of it into your evenings and weekends. Whether or not the gaps in learning come from the school curriculum or your child's ability, they need to be addressed, and the person that needs to address them is you. Is this fair? No. But the goal is not for everything in life to be fair; the goal is for your child to receive a solid education. By staying aware of any learning gaps, you can help keep your child on track and correct the causes - such as a problem teacher or a strange curriculum - in a way that doesn't hurt your child's longer term experience at school.

TEP NINE: TAKE CRITICISM WELL
No one wants to hear that their child has a problem, or worse, that the child *is* a problem in class. It's not fun. But for your child's sake, try to respond by taking it all in, asking what the teachers suggest you, as the parent do, and promise to talk to your child about it. Then, talk to your child with the same level of respect. Question them, and listen to their side of the story or situation. Try to help your child process the feedback as constructive criticism, rather than a comment on who they are as a person. Help your child see that people do not go into teaching to be tyrants, they become teachers to help others. Any criticism or feedback the child receives, even if poorly conveyed, usually comes from a motivation to help and assist. It is up to you as the parent to help your child find ways to deal with these situations and to respond in ways that help your child in the future. Stay focused on that long-term outcome, and try to ignore your own (very natural) feelings of defensiveness and protectiveness unless you think the situation has really crossed a major line.

STEP TEN: SHOW UP WHEN INVITED
When the teacher or the school reach out to you, respond! If you are invited to parent-teacher night, go! If you are invited to share feedback about the course, share! Teachers can't improve in a vacuum, and your six-year old might not be the best source of advice for them on how to make the science curriculum more effective. Help them out and respond to the contact they initiate. It takes time, but it will be well worth it.

FINAL NOTE:
You can start these steps anytime, even if your child has already started school. Every day in your child's education matters. If you didn't have a chance to use some of the steps before, there is no time like the present to start!

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ACJensen is a parenting and pregnancy expert who specializes in finding parenting tips, pregnancy advice, and baby gear that features common sense, proven science, and reasonable cost. To learn more about her work and read additional reviews and tips, you can check out her writings at Extra(hour)dinary Parenting.